Kazuya, hasn't been home since last night. It's all my fault. I should be the one to leave, not him.This is his own house. Why? Why am I so useless? I'm unwanted, abandoned, useless. Why am I even alive? I can't even please my husband, though we are forced to marry...
Hanaki started to cry, again. That was the third time, and it wasn't noon yet. She didn't have her breakfast. No appetite, was what she said. She held her semi-finished woolen sweater, which she initially intended to give to Kazuya as his Christmas present. Unfortunately, her intention was shattered to pieces. Their relationship worsened. Gentle, kind, and accommodating woman, paired with Cold, inconsiderate man. They were totally the opposite.
"Young Lady, please have your breakfast now. Or Madam will be mad at us. Young lady..."
I... I just don't have the appetite to, but... Please... Leave me alone.
Hanaki washed her face in the bathroom, dried it, and opened the door. The face of the servant lightened up.
"Young lady."She bowed to Hanaki. A rare scene to the socialites, Hanaki helped her up.
"Please don't bow down to me next time. We are all the same. And please do tell the others as well."Said Hanaki, smiling, The servant's eyes turned bright.
"Yes, young lady."
"And... Could you... please take my breakfast here? I'm not feeling well so... I don't think I want to go down."
"Yes, young lady. Right away."The servant went away, and Hanaki tidied herself up, before going to greet Yuri, which was her main duty everyday.
Several hours had passed, and Hanaki was reluctant to send lunch to Kazuya.
That lady... Miya... She must be there... this time...
It was unexpected to Hanaki, that Kazuya and Miya weren't at the office. Hanaki waited inside Kazuya's office. While at Kaze's office...
"All have been done. Now please clean up the mess for me. I will be going for lunch."
"Yes, Sir. By the way, Sir. It seems that the lady who often came to send lunch to Director Kazuya, is here. Are you going to have lunch with her again?"Kaze thought for a while, while his secretary looked at him.
"Good idea. I will be eating with her."
"Who is she, Sir?"
"....you'll know, someday."Kaze smiled, and left his office.
Alone again. I'm always alone, in a cold room. Wherever I am, I'm alone. My real parents abandoned me. I have to part with my foster parents. I'm alone in Fujisawa household. No one to keep me company. No friends in this foreign city. No attention from husband. Am I going to live the rest of my life, like this? Kazuya... He hates me...
Suddenly the door opened, Hanaki stood up immediately, and turned around.
"Kaze..."
"Hanaki... You, why are you crying, huh?! What's wrong?!"
"I... no.."
"Are you sick? Feeling uncomfortable somewhere?"
"No, just, something got into my eye so..."
"Uh.."
"What are you doing here Kaze? Looking for Kazuya? He was not here since I came."
"No, no. I came for you. Now, I bet you haven't had your lunch, again. Wanna go?"
"But, I... Kazuya's lunch.."
"Forget it. He must have had his already. Let's go!"Kaze grabbed Hanaki's hand, and headed for the door, just when it was opened.
"Hey, that was nice! We should go more often, okay?"Miya was seen crossing her hand with Kazuya's.
"Brother... Miya..."
"Ah! Hi, Kaze! And..."Miya threw a despising glance to Hanaki,and looked away arrogantly.
"What are you guys doing here?"Asked Kazuya, gazing at their hands. Kaze realised, and let Hanaki's hand go.
"Hanaki sends your lunch here, but you weren't around, so I kept her company. Good, now that you're back, you can have yours while we have ours."Kaze said confidently, purposely emphasised every words he said,just to upset Kazuya.
"Ah? That's too bad. We had our lunch already, Right? Kazuya?"Miya smiled to Kazuya, trying to be as intimate as possible. Again, she threw a despising glance to Hanaki.
"What? You had your lunch while Hanaki waited here for you? With and empty stomach?"
"No, Kaze.."
"Miya, you go out first."Said Kazuya, while looking at the lunchbox Hanaki brought. Miya went out after staring at Hanaki.
"Hanaki, could you please wait for me outside?"Miya nodded, and went out after being told so by Kaze.
"What do you want to say, Kaze?"
"Your behaviour towards Hanaki. That's too much brother. Once made her cry, outside your room. Then she drowned. What 's next? You're going to push her off the balcony? From your room?"
"Kaze! Watch your mouth!"
"Brother, it's you who should. You have been harsh to her. Can you weigh how much tears she had shed for you?"
"I have never agreed to this marriage. I cannot be nice to her."
"Neither does she! Both of you are forced to marry! But has she been harsh to you? Never! Has she opposed you? Never, I believe so. But you? You treated her, even lower than a servant. Brother, introspect."While at the same time, outside of Kazuya's office.
"Hey, pauper! Would you just stop coming? You're so bothersome! Especially to Kazuya. You're just a hindrance to our happiness."
I know. I'm a hindrance. To your happiness, to Kazuya's, to everyone's. I shouldn't have been born. My biological parents shouldn't have left me outside of the orphanage, but somewhere unnoticeable instead, so I could die.
"Hey! Are you listening? Hey! Answer, you dumb! You're so ugly, so old. What body-figure is that? You might as well die now."Suddenly, the door to Kazuya's office was opened. Kaze came out, and he grabbed Hanaki's hand.
"Let's go Hanaki."
I... I lost my appetite, again. Maybe I should go home now, resume my knitting. I can faint here, anytime. This city, That house, everything is so stressful. But, I have to return to that house, no matter what...
"Kaze, I think I can't eat with you now. I'm feeling dizzy. Sorry."
"Huh? Dizzy? It's not fever right?"Kaze touched Hanaki's forehead, while Kazuya and Miya were watching.
"No, it's not."
"Fine! By the way, I'm too lazy to go out now, can I have that?"asked Kaze, pointing as Hanaki's hand.
"Oh, fine. Here."Hanaki handed the lunch over.
"Actually, I made that. But sorry, it must have turned cold now."
"No! Fine! It;s okay!"
"Then, I'm going. Bye."Hanaki smiled, and went towards the lift, while Kaze returned to his office.
"Say, Kazuya. Aren't they strange? They look so compatible, and so sweet! See Kaze touching her forehead? I'm so envious...! But she's your wife, isn't she?"
"Cut your crap. Go back to work."Kazuya went into his office, almost slamming his door. Miya smiled gloriously.
"It's just the matter of time, before Kazuya will be mine. Unless one's blind, no one can resist my seduction, and my body."
---
It's so hard. So hard to be the daughter-in-law of Fujisawa family. So suffocating, so stressful. Mother is urging me and Kazuya to get along. Father is waiting for me to conceive. Kaze is kind, but he's too kind. We can be misunderstood. The problem.... the problem lies beneath me. I shouldn't have come but...
Hanaki continued knitting, sitting outside at the balcony of her room. It was chilly, and Hanaki remained still, gazing at the trees at the backyard. Winter was coming. She shouldn't have her weak body stayed too long outdoors, but she didn't have the will to move either. She stayed there, till Kazuya came back.
"I'm just coming back to somethings done, I won't be sleeping here."But Hanaki ignored him.
"Why are you staying outside? Come in. It's getting cold outside."
Cold? I don't feel so. He must be kidding. It's kinda hot instead. The view here at night is quite beautiful, but is incomparable with my hometown's, of course. The sky... is so dark. But the moon shines so brightly, I don't need lamps anymore. Father... Mother... are they looking at the sky now, as well? Ugh... I'm getting dizzy... No, I must at least finish more of this sweater first, I'm slowing down...
Kazuya paid attention to Hanaki. She was supporting her head not to fall down with her hand. Her eyes were almost closed. She was breathing, or gasping unsteadily. Cold sweat, Kazuya could feel that.
She must have fallen sick. Just... Just how weak is she? She seemed... to be the type, who can't live without others' protection. Her body... is so small. I think, it can break apart anytime, if I touch her...
Kazuya carried Hanaki back to their room, put her on the bed, and saw her hand, grabbing the still semi-finished sweater tightly. Kazuya tried to take it away but...
"No...don't..."Hanaki tried to open her eyes, and clutched the sweater tightly.
"Put it away, no one will steal it from you."
"No..."
"F... fine. You seemed to have fever, I'll ask someone else to take care of you. I'm leaving."
"Wait..."Hanaki grabbed Kazuya's hand. Though it was easy for him to release her hand, but Kazuya didn't. He was unable to release it, without a clear reason.
"Don't abandon me... Don't go... Please..."Kazuya looked at Hanaki bitterly.
What had she undergone before coming to this house? She.. seemed to have suffered a lot.
Kazuya released Hanaki's hand, and went to search for servants to look after her. He decided to sleep there that night, looking after Hanaki. That night, on the other hand, Kaze didn't come home, and spent the night at Ryuuji's.
"Hey Ryuuji, how was Hanaki?"Asked Kaze, while taking a deep look at his red wine.
"Huh? What?"
"How was Hanaki? When she was in high school?"
"I told you didn't I? She was kind, the admiration of the entire school. Why?"
"Was she timid? I mean, not going against the other. Huh?"
"Well, she always took the blame for others, if it involved her. That happened so often that the teachers were reluctant to punish her. She wasn't rebellious, unlike teenagers usually do."
"What about her physical condition?"
"Well, she had heart disease, I told you. She was weak, and always stayed in class while her classmates would go outside exercising."
"Hmm.."
"Hey Kaze, why so sudden? What's wrong?"
"No... nothing."Kaze started enjoying his red wine.
"Don't tell me... You like her?"
"What? Hey! There's no way!"
"I know I know! But really, she's very attractive, unlike the bold Miya, and calm Kasumi. She gives out a very warm aura. don't you think so?"
*note: Kasumi was Kaze's secretary.
"I know..."
"Hey, you know you can't fall for her right? I mean Hanaki. Don't, or our friendship ends right away. She's your brother's wife."
"I know that."
"And though I'm a player, I won't go for my sister-in-law. I'm not that low."Ryuuji started to sound more serious. Kaze silenced, put his wine away, and looked at Ryuuji.
"I won't! Believe me, okay?"Kaze walked away while bearing deep thoughts.
"Hey! I think I'm into your secretary. How? Approve?"
"Immediate rejection!"
"Hey! Kaze! Let's negotiate!"
"Nooooo...."
---
Headache...
"Are you awake?"
"Mm.."A glass of water appeared in front of Hanaki's eyes. Hanaki tried to get up, and felt someone else helping her to. She took it, drank a little, and looked up.
Kazu..ya? Why? Why is he here?
"Why... are you here?"
"Th... This is my house! My room! W.. Why can't I?"
"R... right."
"You have a fever, rest well."
"..."
"By the way, can I ask you something?"
"Yes.."
"Why do you always say, don't abandon me, don't leave me... Like that?"
"Di.. did I?"
"Yeah, you did."Hanaki looked into the glass. If she were to gather her tears and place them inside the glass, it might overflow.
"I'm... actually an orphan."
"Huh?"
"I was adopted by father and mother, when I was 8. But during that 8 years... People who lived nearby my orphanage, mocked me for being an abandoned. And... And I developed an emotional problem. I... I'm afraid, when someone says he's going. I... don't want to be abandoned again... It was so painful.."
"But your father and mother adopted you."
"I was so happy. But the servants despised me. Even my parents' relatives... as well..."
"And... You don't have any other disease right?"Hanaki smiled, and looked at Kazuya.
"Fortunately, no. Although many people expected my death back in the orphanage, but I'm still living."Suddenly Hanaki had a headache again.
"Rest."Hanaki lied down, while Kazuya answered his ringing phone.
"Yes? Oh, Miya. Sorry I couldn't go over your house last night. Yes, I'm coming now."
"H... Hey, I'm go... I'm off to work."Hanaki didn't answer, pretending to have fallen asleep. Kazuya went out, and Hanaki peeked at the door.
I'm left behind. No... I can't cry. I have to overcome this. I cannot be a hindrance to Kazuya... and Miya. Endure.... I have to endure.
To be continued...
No comments:
Post a Comment